miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
