Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
