hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
