NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
