I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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