What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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