I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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