pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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