I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
