At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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