I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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