Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
