if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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