I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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