I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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