Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
