i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's shark week go big or go home
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
