im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
