So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
