She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
