i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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