If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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