Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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