New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've blown a few things in my day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
