Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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