Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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