Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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