his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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