sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
