I am midnight drunk by noon
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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