sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We're too hungover to prance.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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