The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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