This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
