How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
