Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
