If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
