So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My vagina is very pro this idea
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
