I love black thongs
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
