his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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