Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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