The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
