He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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