I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
