so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
