There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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