The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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