who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
