Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Blood and glitter go together right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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