I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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