is your mom at the bar?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
