nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
